Doctor's Review: Medicine on the Move

October 20, 2017

The Mustang Shelby: the ultimate bad boy’s car.

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Does hood size matter?

We rate the most head-turning, heat-seeking cars on the road

It is often opined that we have an ongoing love affair with the automobile. True, it’s hard to buy into such hype when de rigueur motoring consists of bumper-to-bumper purgatory during the morning commute. But given the alternative is waiting for a bus in sub-zero temperatures, what’s not to love?

So I found myself touring the floors of the Canadian International Auto Show with Rebecca Rosenblat, aka “Dr Date,” to see what kind of love connections exist when it comes to people and various incarnations of the internal combustion engine.

Dr Date is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships and sexuality. As well, she is a TV and radio personality in Toronto. Currently the host of Sex @ 11, Dr Date has also hosted Between the Sheets with Rebecca Rosenblat, Pre-Nup Challenge, and was a contributor to Plastic Makes Perfect*. In other words, she knows her stuff when it comes to affairs of the heart.

And even though St. Valentine’s Day is just behind us, February is heart month, so let us reflect on those automobiles that get our motors revving.

Sexiest rear end: Lincoln MKT

“Sexy” and “Lincoln” together in one sentence? Yes it’s true. And Dr Date was quite smitten by Lincoln’s brand-new voluptuous crossover. And thanks to the end-to-end sculpted red taillight cluster, she said the MKT looks as though it was “wearing a thong ... that is just such a sexy-looking butt for a car.”

Sexiest front end: Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart

Thanks to the Lancer’s oversized, gaping grille, Dr Date likened it to “a big open mouth that can swallow me whole. My goodness, if I had to name that car, I would’ve called it Deep Throat.”

Sexiest interior: Lexus IS F

The IS F on display featured a striking black-and-red leather interior that Dr Date found exhilarating. “Red is the subliminal colour of sex — red roses, red light district. And those who are kinky love black leather. This interior just screams ‘sex’ to me.”

Most metrosexual vehicle: Nissan Cube

The Cube on display seemed to be embracing a bit of both worlds: while there’s nothing more masculine than a cube; the vehicle was sporting a pink-hued paint job.

“The Cube is obviously very male in looks given the boxy shape, yet pink is totally feminine,” noted Dr Date. “This car is for someone who’s very comfortable with his sexuality.”

Sexiest badging: Cobra logo on the Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 KR

Unlike other Mustangs in Ford’s stable, the galloping pony has been chased off the Shelby GT500KR’s grille and front quarter panels, replaced instead by a vicious fang-toothed viper. The look worked for Dr Date.

“The coiled cobra comes across as being so dangerous, so phallic — to me, it’s saying that the guy driving this car is a very bad boy. And sometimes bad boys can be fun.”

Biggest exhibitionist: Volkswagen Eos

When the Eos’ hard-top roof and integrated moon roof is raised or lowered, the trunk opens, as do panels on the sides. Then, the roof and moon roof fold upon each other like an accordion. Eventually, this ceiling of steel and glass sinks into the car’s rear end.

Dr Date likened it to a male peacock unveiling his plumage. “This [roof being raised or lowered] is a sexual performance,” gushed Dr Date. “It’s like the car is undressing and dressing itself — a smooth operator doing a very sensual striptease.”

Best vehicle for a romantic interlude: The Maybach 57S

With reclining rear seats, DVD monitors, and wrap-around window curtains that ensure privacy, romance will surely spring to mind when a couple occupies this luxurious sedan.

“Now, that’s a rear seat,” noted Dr Date.

Best vehicle for a marriage proposal: Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe

Two words sprung to mind when Dr Date gazed upon the enormous (and enormously powerful) Rolls-Royce coupe: sugar daddy.

“The difference between rich and wealthy is that the wealthy have time to enjoy their riches,” said Dr Date. “This car says, ‘stability,’ ‘security,’ ‘exclusivity.’ Basically, this is Mr. Right whereas a Lamborghini is Mr. Right Now.”

Most macho truck: Ford F150 SVT Raptor

From the predatory name to the oversized wheels and a grille resembling a brick wall, Dr Date thought Ford’s new sport truck was the closest thing to a muscle car without actually being a car. Indeed, the raised vents on the Raptor’s hood were especially intriguing.

“The way those vents are protruding... it’s as if this truck is saying, ‘I’m so hot, I need to be cooled down.’ And even the font used for the Raptor badge — it looks like it has been clawed by something. There is absolutely nothing dainty about this truck.”

Most macho car: Dodge Viper SRT10

Does hood size matter? Dr Date was positively smitten by the Dodge Viper’s elongated bonnet. “This is easily the most phallic front-end I’ve ever seen on a car,” she said. “This is basically a penis on wheels.”

Most feminine car: Volkswagen New Beetle Convertible

With orb-like fenders (suggesting heaving breasts), rounded lines, an interior flower-holder, and even a flirty nickname (“Love Bug”), the Beetle Convertible is “the ultimate girlie-car,” noted Dr Date.

“The Beetle also makes me think of the ’60s,” she said. “When I see this car, I’m thinking about free love, the sexual revolution, making peace not war — it just has this really good vibe to it.”

Most orgasmic car: Lamborghini LP640

“Oh my God!” Dr Date screamed aloud as she made eye contact with this impossibly low-to-the-ground exoticar.

“This car is saying it wants to be taken — I see fire, I see heat,” she said. “This car is not about subtle seduction — this is sex on wheels. You pull up to pick me up for a date in this car and you’ve already taken care of the foreplay.”

This article was accurate when it was published. Please confirm rates and details directly with the companies in question.

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